Jul 2014
Annemarie Weiner

I’ll probably be single for a very long time

My name is Annemarie Weiner and I am single as a dollar bill. I’ll admit, it can be strange seeing engagement announcements every other day on Facebook. Sure, I’m happy for those couples who have found their “someone special,” but I’ve also come to realize that I am probably going to be single for a very long time.* Here are the top 12 reasons why:

1. I talk to my roommate’s cat as much (if not more than) my roommates.
It’s true, I’ve already turned into a crazy old cat lady. There are some days when I have more conversations with the cat than with real people.

2. Any time can be no pants time.
I’m a firm believer that life gets better when you take your pants off. Unfortunately this can lead to awkward situations when other people don’t hold that same belief.

3. I pride myself on being “one of the guys.”
Being the token girl in a group of guys can be fun most of the time, but the curse of being the “lady bro” is that those guys friends will often forget that I am, indeed, a girl.

4. I’m just as happy staying home and watching TV as I am going “out.”
My default setting is chilling on the couch with some quality Netflix time. This means that unless people appear in my living room, my chances of meeting new people (including men) are pretty slim.

5. I’m way too amused by the stupid things I do and say to stop for the benefit of others.
Case in point, not too long ago my roommates and I spent at least half an hour practicing Chewbacca noises. Get at us, boys.

6. I spend my free time making infographics about when it’s ok to not wear pants.
The truth is, I might be a little out there, but I can usually explain/justify the madness.

7. Hair and makeup are the bane of my existence.
My hair is unruly and I’ve never been a huge fan of makeup. This, by default, means I’m bad at being a girl.

8. It’s nearly impossible for me to take a nice picture.
The ratio of unattractive to attractive (and by that I mean “normal”) photos I take is startling. Usually the last thing I hear before taking a picture with my friends is “Don’t mess this one up, Annemarie!”

9. Thanks to my last name (pronounced WHY-ner, by the way) I respond far too easily whenever someone yells “WEENER!”
I fought it for the longest time, but by now I respond any time I hear someone yell “Weener,” whether I know them or not.

10. My height means I’m easily mistaken for a child.
I’m 5’3″ (on a good day), and have accepted that I look young for my age. But it’s kind of annoying when I tell people that I just graduated and they ask “What high school?”

11. My friends have created a long lasting rumor that I only date gingers.
Sure, my longest relationship was with a ginger, and I’ve been involved with a few since then, but that’s totally a coincidence.

12. Sitting on the couch eating ice cream straight from the carton is a regular (ok, nightly) occurrence.
After work I’m completely content with vegging out on the couch with a carton of Blue Bunny and a big spoon. Who needs bowls, anyway?

I’m well aware that there are many other reasons for my singleness, but I’ll keep it to the top 12. Feel free to share your reasons for being single or in a relationship with me: @anneCockyWeiner

*This is by no means intended as a cry for help or a pity party. Just some lighthearted, self-deprecating humor. So enjoy! And please, spare me the uplifting “you’ll find someone” messages. Thanks 😉